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Could you wake up in another place and be a completely different person? If so, then what is it that makes us so set in our ways? We act the same day in, day out. The tough guy, the nerd, the wise guy, the emo, and the guy that thinks his dick is “this big”. We have all encountered them and what gets me every time is their sheer consistency. Four years ago if you had asked my friends how they would describe me they would most likely say, he’s a nice guy, somewhat shy especially around women, and he certainly lacks some confidence. Well, needless to say this was me four years ago, but surprisingly not all the time. Admittedly I have changed allot since then but often times I find myself slipping back into the old me. However, I realized in the end that the way I acted and my behavior was easier to change than I had initially perceived. Sometimes a certain level of dichotomy is important. What was holding me back the most was my need to seem both respectable to others and to remain consistent. I was living to please others but not necessarily myself. And I think this is the trap most people get caught in. The way I acted was based purely on the expectations of others and how people reacted to me. All of which caused me to act in specific ways consistent to these perceptions. Whether they were wrong or right, I was a product of society. WE are a product of society…
But can we change the way we act? Can one day we be the timid coward while the day after we are the gregarious hero? Absolutely! Just recently I found myself on a plane sitting next to a very attractive woman. Normally I would not make any attempt to talk to her. Instead I would choke down some peanuts and cloud myself in music from my Ipod. However, something had changed that made it all the easier. The realization that at any given moment I possessed the knowledge to be anyone I wanted. This meant that I didn’t have to be trapped by who I was currently. I was alone in a place where no one knew me. This I thought was beautiful! No one had any pre-conceived notions of me, especially this girl. I could literally be anyone I wished to be! So I was. And in turn I enjoyed a pleasant and deep conversation with her. I had no image to maintain only an image to create.
So what does this tell you in regards to human nature? The problem with staying in any one place too long is that we become trapped in ourselves. We stay consistent with how we are expected to act in front of people we are familiar with. We submit to others and become afraid of being someone new. Even if who we are is someone we do not want to be. It’s not that people are stubborn and don’t like change. It’s that society has a very powerful influence that prevents us from changing.
So why not define ourselves through our self? Not through perceptions of others. If you are quiet be loud, if you are unhappy be happy, if you are reserved be crazy! Your mind is the only think holding you back.
We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society. -Judith Martin
It wasn’t until the other night did I truly realize that upon entering the real world I was in fact about to submit myself to a losing battle. Granted, the job market was the worst it had been in 30 years but that wasn’t what was bothering me. Instead it was the realization that American ideals do not support a life of happiness. Prosperity yes but happiness, absolutely not. And if I didn’t act fast I would be indebted to a life of working harder and harder until I became burnt out and old. Only then could I finally retire, but the problem was that I would not be able to do a single thing. I would be too old. Worth it? Nah…
It was a Friday evening and I had decided to take a Salsa dance class. While most people would benefit from a dance class by learning well, to dance… I didn’t. Let’s face it; I’m a robot when it comes to dancing. But I did realize something else very important. And for some reason it took a dance class for me to realize it. While dancing with a very lovely woman I asked her, “How is it that you dance so well? You must have had practice”. I must admit I was slightly embarrassed with my shoddy skills versus hers. So I felt it necessary to break the ice by cutting to the chase. And of course she answered, “I spent the past semester in Spain, we went out to clubs dancing like every night”. “Do you wish you were there still?” I replied. “Yes, of course! It’s so much nicer over there. Life is so much more enjoyable” She said with great enthusiasm.
These days that’s all I ever hear from people. It seems that no matter how long someone is in another country they don’t want to leave. So perhaps it’s that the new experience is novel and exciting. Is this why people enjoy being in foreign countries so much? Because I am skeptical my first reaction was to disprove my own finding by reflecting on this aspect. While America is certainly a great country its social expectations are less than favorable. There is simply too much pressure to perform and act in front of others. As a child I spent a good part of my life in Great Britain. With its lush countryside and relaxed culture it certainly puts America into perspective.
The truth is that it is so much more relaxing. On top of that I have also traveled to many other countries in Europe and my findings are consistent throughout. Everything seems to come with ease. People are more down to earth, less materialistic, and friendlier. Being able to sit back and enjoy the present moment is one of the greatest pleasures I enjoy when visiting these countries. Whether it’s enjoying tea in the presence of old friends or swimming in the clear warm waters of St. Tropez, everything is great. Then the time comes when I return once again to America. Reality sinks in and somehow all the stupid little things in life become “important”. But it doesn’t stop there. It never ends.
So let’s take a look at the past for a second. Back in the 50’s it was required that only the male figure head of the family provide for his wife and kids. He made more than enough to put a roof over his families head, food on the table, and a car in the garage. But as time progressed American culture and its citizens got greedy. They wanted bigger houses, more cars, and more money overall. So their house size increased by 50%, they got another car (sometimes 2), and in their absence they lavished their kids with expensive toys. Now like dad, mom was required to work as well. Now both parents are involved in a 9-5 job and sometimes work longer than this. Yet they still have kids… And here’s where it gets even scarier. A sociological finding states that in upper middle class families the mothers and fathers said they got more satisfaction from work than the home. They would rather work their stressful jobs than take care of their children. American’s are working harder and harder for what? So they can buy their neglected child a brand new BMW? Where does the madness end? American’s have forgotten how to enjoy life. Instead they rush around like chickens with their heads cut off bickering over unimportant crap only to be late to yet another ‘bored’ meeting. What is truly enjoyed in life has been forgotten…
An article in Business Week outlines the world’s happiest countries (http://images.businessweek.com/ss/06/10/happiest_countries/index_01.htm) where America was ranked a surprising 23rd. Among the countries that were ranked among the top 13 there was a general trend that applied to most of them. A relaxed/laid-back pace of life and a good balance between work/life is evident. This I fear has all but dissipated in America.
Let us not forget: It’s all about work/life balance not work/work balance.
